The L word

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation- Kahlil Gibran

She re-read the words over and over in her mind, trying to comprehend the depth of what it meant.Various sounds around enticing her wandering mind.The clank of vessels, a wayward song, the tap tap of fingers on the keyboard. STOP! and FOCUS! she scolded herself.She felt disconnected and out of touch, that funny sensation when your head disconnects from the rest of your body, well not quite really.She hadn't smoked POT to feel that. It just was, that powerful unshakable feeling creeping over her skin.

She squirmed and tried to concentrate, "I must write, write the pain away, write the memories into oblivion, write a bit and then write some more."

She felt aimless and lost. A thought bubble popped up next to her-Lesson Learnt!

Not really, she smirked. Yes I know, she admitted to the person within.Too much lost but so much gained.She felt it swell and rise from within, a batch of freshly squeezed tears rolled down her cheeks.

Her head blasted, that heavy hollow feeling she had gotten used to.Everything had slowed down, stopped, halted, paused and all the adjectives one could find to describe it but she didn't though she tried.

Sigh, she bent over the smudges of ink and the broken nibs, the blotches on paper like torn petals, all creativity lost, all sense vanished.

I won't give up she thought, so its not the best time for me.She felt screwed up and everything around seemed macabre and dark. The word used,abused,cherished,assumed and what she'd once believed.

She snorted to herself, so much for The L Word.

The Me'sights'- Yes,I'm trying to be hilarious and witty through this but honestly its just a mish mash of how I feel. Its been 6 months since I wrote or so and I feel somewhat rusted and new. But like you must have figured, this is what Heartbreak feels like.Wrong, confusing,unfair and so much more that I can use to describe it. I could have used a seriously miserable title but this one just seems more like me, sorta miserable but still funny in a lame way.

So well, here goes.Not one of my best ones but then again, there's more to come ;)

The Game of Hearts

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet"

Plato

She read and re-read the quote that had appeared on her screen.Such a simple line,such deep meaning.She associated so much with what Plato had to say,it made her smile.Yes,love turned a non-writer into  Shakespeare. She reminisced about being a giggly, love struck 16 year old when she'd written sonnets and "pomes" gushing about that special one,how he made her heart flutter and her knees buckle and how she broke when he left.


"A fickle little rogue,love is",she thought to herself. Every time she vowed that she wouldn't let herself fall and every time she fell a little deeper in love.


She picked up her pen and began her poem,"The Game of Hearts".This won't be about heartbreak or pain.This won't be about power or gain.This will just be a simple game that two souls play.She liked the sound of that.This didn't have to rhyme.Even simple words were just fine.This would just be a little bit of give and take.This would be a little bit of make and break.She played around with the words in her head and then begun to pen them down.


You make your move,while I watch with hopeful eyes.
We continue the game until we see the sunrise.


Today you won't give in,today I won't sleep.
Even if you pretend that its over,I still wait to watch you leap.


How fickle we are in our every move.
Our eyes are careful,but our souls are bare.


How simple,yet complicated it is.
This little game we play every night,
Where you pretend to be a knight and I pretend to be the queen.
Where every emotion is alive and every betrayal stabs like a knife.


We dance amidst this battlefield.
Till the break of dawn when neither of us yield.


Logic is a far cry from the world we exist in.
For we just play the game of hearts.


She scrutinized,every word she'd written.This is no Shakespearean sonnet,neither does it classify as song.If you think about it,even the words are all wrong.But this is how she wanted it and this is how it had appeared.Every word a reflection of the game,every phrase a reflection of her heart.

"So simple,yet complicated it is

Our little Game of Hearts!!!"

Soaring High.......

On with the dance! let joy be unconfined;

No sleep till morn, when Youth and Pleasure meet

To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.

She pondered over the prospect...It was very easy to refuse.She could live with the thought that grace and finesse weren't hers to keep.Yet it had been a dream...An unfulfilled wish, to be able to twirl and twist...to have those nimble toes rise above the ground and those arms gracefully curve.


She had been mocked and laughed at for her lack of dancing skills, yet the rebel within wanted to prove them all wrong.She wanted to dance and break into song. "Stop being so apprehensive, its worth a try", she affirmed to herself and took the plunge.


Here she stood with 20 others, nervous at first about being judged. The music begun and they all started to sway, she joined in too with her eyes shut tight, waiting for the laughter to erupt. Minutes passed by and she heard nothing but the rhythmic pitter patter of feet.She opened her eyes and looked around,they were all lost in the music so deep. No one was staring no one was judging.Everyone were focusing on getting it right.


A small smile spread across her face.All those years of being afraid now seemed a waste. She knew she could claim the music with all her grace.And now her feet moved to a new pace. Apprehensions were replaced and a new light glowed from within her. For now she knew that this was the start.


This was the beginning of Soaring High....

An insight- This story has been inspired from my greatest fear.Something that scares me even more than ghosts or the dark.The fear of dancing.I don't know if its classified as a phobia, but I always thought  I wasn't good enough and always shied away from making a public mockery of myself.However,yesterday I attended my first dance class and it was a great start.I fumbled and lost track,but it felt so good in the end.Being able to conquer one of my worst fears and rising triumphant above it  all :)